2.4 Judy's Story
When the baby cried in the middle of the night, I got up. He would tell me to shut the kid up. Other times he said I spoiled him by picking him up when he cried, that I was teaching him to be a "mama's boy". I would go to the store to get something and he would call me on my cell and tell me the baby was crying and to get home. He went out with his friends a lot and when hed come home, I would be exhausted and he would want to have sex.
It was when he was holding my son one night and throwing dinner plates at my head that I realized that I needed to get out, for my son's sake and for mine. I went to stay with my parents, who really didn't have room for both of us, but who are supporting me in every way they can.
He says he's going to go for custody. His parents are well off and are hiring a good lawyer. Im scared to death that I'm going to lose my son. Whenever he wants to see our son, I take him for visits because I know that they can use that against me in court if I refuse visits. But it always has to be me that takes our son to him, and picks him up. And he's really nasty about me getting stuff for the baby, so I've had to buy a new crib, Eall the things I bought before the birth. Once he called child welfare to check on me, saying I was neglecting his son. I had to prove I was a good mother, and he was never questioned as a father. Its like, thats his right to see his son.
>> ACTIVITY
Another tactic of abuse that men employ is using the children to gain control. Threats to fight for custody and making anonymous reports to child protection services are two examples.
Write down some other ways that abusive men can use children to retain control over their partner.
Now write down some ways that Judy has tried to protect her child from her partners abuse.
Contrary to some beliefs, women who are being abused by partners report that the safety of their children is paramount. Sometimes women stay in an abusive relationship because he has threatened to kill her and the children if she leaves. Sometimes she stays because she believes she wont be able to protect her children if he has unsupervised access. Sometimes women stay because they cannot afford to support themselves and their children, as well as hire a lawyer, child care and other services.
Resource Link:
I Killed You...
Resource Link:
Reasonable Doubt