ADVANCING HEALTH-CARE PRACTICE

2.4     Judy's Story

I felt our communication was so poor and I really wanted to work on that before making a commitment. And I notice now that after many of our big arguments he would buy things. After one, the issue of having kids, he went out and bought a barbeque and after another issue we moved to a better apartment and after another one we started looking at cars. At the time, I wondered whether he thought this is what I wanted but actually I know now it's what he wanted. So I felt like I was getting in deeper and deeper. And I just didn't feel like I had a way out.

The second Christmas we were together he proposed to me which came out of the blue. I had been talking to him for probably about three months that I was really walking on egg shells with him, that there were definitely issues I felt could not be approached with him because there would be a blow out and that he wouldn't talk to me for days on end. It was always me that would have to say 'I'm sorry if you felt that way' and try and resolve things because it would just eat me up and I didn't like it. Anyway he proposed to me in such a way that it wasn't very kind. When I look at it now I was just flabbergasted so I didn't say yes which upset him greatly. And I can understand him being hurt because of that but I just couldn't say 'yes'. I said I needed time and I felt that was reasonable. He didn't.